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Birthday Party, Jon Pearce Reminisces

Monday, March 20th, 2006

We had a birthday party for me on Saturday. I had been worried I might not be able to have fun — I’m such a geezer. But it was great.

My wife got helium balloons, which were fun and bouncy.

My artist friend Paul Mavrides was there, he recalled that we’d met thanks to our common “cult leader” Ivan Stang of the Church of the SubGenius who put us in contact when I moved out West twenty years ago.

Also my mad scientist friend Nick Herbert with fellow researcher Beverly Rubik. I got my ideas in Frek and the Elixir about quantum decoherence from Nick, not to mention much of the inspiration for Frank Shook in Saucer Wisdom.

And fellow freestyle SF writer Michael Blumlein(in the center), his wife Hilary Valentine, and Jon Pearce (about whom see below).

My daughter Isabel made me a great “Swiss knife” with symbols of seven of the things I’m interested in: A Zhabotinsky scroll (for cellular automata), the Mandelbrot set (for fractals), a robot, A Square (for the fourth dimension), Infinity, a UFO, a Cone Shell (for diving, cellular automata, universal automatism, and SF). It’s gold-colored metal and the little “blades” swing in and out, with the icons in silver-colored metal riveted on. It's called, naturally, a Mind Tool!

The morning after the party, my wife, the kids and I let the balloons go up into the sky one by one, taking all cares away.

For the entertainment, my wife suggested the guests bring reminiscences about me (not necessarily true and, if possible, science-fictional) to read. I was very touched.

I feel a lot better now about turning sixty. I always love it when I have a birthday party and its time for the cake. The room lit by the warm glow of the candles, a sea of faces smiling and singing to me, my loved ones close. The highpoint of a year. My life’s turned out a lot better than I expected.

Here’s the piece that Jon Pearce wrote; Jon is in the CS department at SJSU and was my office mate for about twelve of the twenty years I was teaching there. The software he’s talking about is the Pop framework, available for free from me online.

Computers Trembled at his Approach (for Rudy on his 60th birthday) by Jon Pearce.

“Most people know Rudy Rucker the science fiction writer. I also know Rudy in his roles as educator and Computer Scientist. I shared an office with Rudy during the period of his career when he molded the jumble of functions and classes that make up the programmer's view of the Windows platform into a virtual world populated by digital predators and their flocks of prey. Rudy delighted in the God-like satisfaction his students experienced as they embellished his world with new landscapes and new species of creatures: sharks with laser beam eyes, bulletproof sheep, invisible pterodactyls.”

“Rudy was especially proud of those gifted students who assiduously pushed his framework to its limits, discovering new possibilities not envisioned by the master. Rudy was even grateful for those rare occasions when the limits of his world were exceeded, revealing an un-initialized pointer, an uncaught exception, or some other minor oversight. Within minutes Rudy would deftly locate and repair the problem in front of the awe-struck student.”

“On one such occasion, after the awe wore off a bit, the young man sitting next to Rudy pointed out that the artful patch Rudy installed to repair a virtual volcano that was erupting spaghetti instead of lava was causing fractal cuttlefish in a nearby sea to eat their young. Not a problem, Rudy assured the anxious student. Within minutes the cuttlefish were model parents, but now buildings in a distant city were melting like cheese on a hot plate.”

“Like a worn out beach ball, repairing a leak in one place only seemed to cause a blow out in another. The cascade of errors continued: self-aware televisions were torturing telepathic toasters, horny pan-dimensional kangaroos were humping hyper-intelligent hippos, left-leaning Vulcans were reaming reactionary Romulens. Esoteric error messages flowed across Rudy's screen like water from a burst dam: Compiler error #23, Linker error #48, Error reporting error #19, ‘Please contact Microsoft immediately.’ I watched as the back of Rudy's neck began to glow red. Slowly Rudy rose to his feet. His eyes were glazed. His hands trembled with rage. ‘F*ck!’ he bellowed, then plowed his boot into the face of the computer again and again and again. Microchips sprayed across the room like shrapnel. Sparks sprung from the motherboard. Smoke billowed from the hard drive. As Rudy's world went black we heard the last pathetic death cry of a mutant man-eating muppet.”

“Rudy sternly said to both of us: ‘This didn't happen.’ The student quickly gathered his books and scurried out of the office. Rudy turned to me and asked, ‘Do you think we should kill him?’”

[Qualifiers: It wasn't my program's fault the machine was crashing, it had a defective graphics board and/or motherboard. And I only kicked the box once.]

Surviving Sixty

Thursday, March 16th, 2006

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Okay, in six more days, that is, on March 22, 2006, I will be sixty years old.

Turning sixty is twice as bad as turning thirty. Not only are you really old, you’re about to die.

One way to compensate has been car-shopping to replace my old Acura. I decided to go for a dark green BMW 325i with automatic, and leather seats. I test-drove a bunch of other cars, but the BMW was the most exciting. I went up to 95 without noticing. And when I almost passed the exit to get back to the dealership while still in the left lane, I was able to skitter through tiny holes in traffic to the exit, nimble as a hockey puck on ice.

Now I realize why BMW drivers act that way. It’s not so much that they’re intrinsically bad people. It’s just that the car makes it possible to move through traffic in a different kind of way. Reminds me of the old joke: “Why do dogs lick their balls?” “Because they can.”

The other thing I did in preparation for my birthday was to go to a hospital emergency room, thinking I might be having a heart attack. Now, my back always aches, but in the last month or two I’ve had a kind of ache in the middle of my chest. It doesn’t hurt more when I exercise — I still go out mountain biking, for instance. But I was wondering if it might be angina, or heart-pain. I wanted to go see my regular doctor or a cardiologist, but it’s always so hard to get in to see these guys. And the other day I woke up and its seemed like the pain in my chest was stronger than before. So I Google “angina” and it seems to suggest that it’s actually more dangerous if your chest doesn’t hurt more when you exercise, and suggests that I “call 911 immediately”!

Sadly I packed my overnight toiletry kit, put it in my knapsack with some papers and books, and drove to the hospital. They were very nice to me. They hooked up wires to me, took blood samples, X-rayed me. I got wheeled down a hospital corridor in a bed — there’s a classic first-person-viewpoint for you. A trip to the underworld. Everyone kind and considerate.

Turns out there’s nothing at all wrong with my heart! In other words I have some slight muscle ache or stomach distress and I’m totally freaking out about turning sixty. It was kind of cozy waiting for the test results lying in the emergency room bed doing a crossword puzzle and revising my novel. Man did I feel safe. Would be great to move in there full time… Though of course I feel a bit guilty for taking up the space unnecessarily. This isn't something I've many times before; the unnecessary panic-trip to the doctor/hospital. Well, at least now I know the way there.

Oddly enough, during this little ordeal it didn’t cross my mind to pray. I was on autopilot, too anxious to think very hard. Though when I got home to my nice little grassy backyard, I was very happy and grateful. And I remembered to thank God I had some more time. Ah, the clouds.

The sky these days reminds me of the two years we spent in Heidelberg, 1978-1980. The mild blue and the puffy cartoony clouds. Spring. The start and end of the zodiac, the singular point where the world-snake bites its tail. The entrance to the underworld.

I’ll be glad when this birthday’s over. I feels a bit like how I felt right before Jan 1, 2000. As if the world is totally going to come apart into pieces. It’s just a number, Ru, just a number.

Morning Sun

Monday, March 13th, 2006

I’m still obsessing on cars, riding my bike around today looking at them all in the parking lots, peering in to examine the cabins. Seeing the world with car eyes. To all appearances a car thief.

It was nice to see the sun slanting in this morning. Everything in the world is stained glass, given a chance. Even in the dark, what with the invisible God rays permeating all of creation.

The Platonic vase of tulips becomes a shadow upon my cave's wall.

And low, a graceful being’s hands appear!

She’s off to work with two oranges.

New Car Shopping

Saturday, March 11th, 2006

I was driving around San Jose today looking at new cars. My faithful 1989 Acura Legend, which I love, is about worn out. Contenders to replace her. I've priced out the costs of various options and accessories to bring all to about the same equipment level:

An Acura TL, listing at $34 K (I’d get it in Redondo Red Pearl).

*Plusses: (a) The dealer is near where I live. (b) I like my old Acura, that go-kart feeling of sitting quite low and feeling the road-rumble.

*Minuses: (a) Some say that Acuras’ front-wheel drive doesn’t handle as well as rear-wheel drive, not that I’ve particularly noticed this. (b) Same old, same old.

A Lexus IS250, listing at $34.4 K.

*Plusses: (a) Nice modern shape. (b) Cool red color on the lot. (c) Feels very smooth and lively on the road.

*Minuses: (a) Cabin seems a bit small. (b) Hard to get it in all-wheel drive.

BMW 325xi, listing at $36.7 K (in the all-wheel drive version; rear-wheel drive would be $34.7 K).

*Plusses: (a) Fun to drive, feels very solid, brakes great. (b) Roomy cabin.

*Minuses: (a) Poor color selections, somewhat stodgy appearance. (b) If I got it, I’d become *aaugh* an aggro BMW driver! (c) costs a bit more.

Mini Cooper S, listing at $25.7 K.

*Plusses: (a) $10 K cheaper than the others! (b) Better fuel efficiency. (c) Cute. (d) Made by BMW.

*Minuses: (a) Dealer is far away and I haven't gotten up there to drive one yet, but maybe I will soon. (b) Possibly will feel cramped. (c) Possibly not as safe.

Opinions? Experiences with these cars?

Metadoubts: maybe I should be looking at hybrids or at cheaper cars or at two-seater sports cars.


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